I hate wasted disappointment. Let me have something really worth being disappointed over. Like those super cute Mudd shoes that I bought on sale that are now in the back yard curled up with my red bone hound suffering humiliation as chew toys. The real tragedy is that my feet are the only thing that have not increased in their girth. I shop with an satisfied air that in spite of my enlarged Stay Puff body I still have dainty feet.
One day in the midst of self contemplation I heard about this very odd sounding non diet. First of all it came from a reliable source. Surfing the net had not delivered this delectable morsel to my waiting eyeballs but it actually came first to my neglected ears. My energetic, ever hyper, ever passionate cousin who just so happens to be a certified Nurse told me all about the wonders of hCG. Skeptical by nature I slurped it up with vigor. Could there really be a cure for my fatty fat fatness? I dove into researching hCG and read all I could about it. Pounds and Inches was extremely fascinating. In the end I believed I was informed about more then just obesity, but about life in general. I began spouting intellectual snippets about the far off land of Italy and it's vast philosophical culture. At the heart of the claim it states that hCG can cure obesity. Not only will it fix me, but evidently in a matter of six weeks or less. Now that is something to jump on board with!
To understand fully if this is a possibility you have to first understand some of my innumerable facets of deep character that make up the person that is me.
#1. I am extremely lazy: The effort that it takes to pick my leg up and place it on the couch next to me, while I watch Pride & Prejudice for the hundred time, is exhausting.
#2. I have absolutely no structure: My children must drool moderate size puddles before I realize another feeding cycle has arrived.
#3. I have no follow-through: I may start a shower but if it takes too long for the water to warm I've lost interest.
#2. I have absolutely no structure: My children must drool moderate size puddles before I realize another feeding cycle has arrived.
#3. I have no follow-through: I may start a shower but if it takes too long for the water to warm I've lost interest.
I have to say I am as proud as a person can be with ones self right at this moment. It has been exactly 10 whole days and I'm still stabbing and starving (figuratively of course) myself everyday.
My Last Ten Days;
Day 1 load day: I began at a massive blubber infested whale weight of 230 pounds! I stabbed myself ever so gently with a needle so tiny my enormously wide open eyeball could barely see it at 9am. A couple of brownies at 10ish and off to the park for a rib roaring day of feed my fat face. Two hotdogs and a small slightly burnt hamburger patty at around 1pm was all I could cram in. Very strange to say the least. I felt as stuffed as I do after sucking down a larger then normal carb soaked thanksgiving dinner. Later that evening I picked over some leftovers but wasn't very hungry. I did my best to guzzled coke all day. I was successful at binging on a least two or three 2 liters.
Day 2 load day: Didn't see the point in weighing myself this morning. I assumed I was still a fatty. Poked myself again around 9am. I ate three delectably large sugar glazed doughnuts at around 10:30am. Lunch was a large helping of meat lasagna with a side of lasagna and garlic bread. Again I was full very quickly and could not fit it all in. I went to bed confused and longing for nothing... very puzzling
Day 3: Woke up anxious for a joyful day of deprivation. Weighing in at a Shamu like 232 pounds. Pricked myself at the regular time and then began thinking about food. The idea of not eating had began to make me feel hungry. Even though I would normally not even began to think about eating till much later. I was unaccustomed to the meal plan and was eager to get started. I ventured into my kitchen at an eerie early hour of 10am. I poked around in my frig and pulled out potential lunch selections. I had previously bagged around 20 single chicken breasts, cubed steaks, and some sort of lean cut steaks individually in a small spurt of abnormal motivation. I choose the chicken along with some tomatoes and cucumbers. I read later your not suppose to mix your vegetables. I believe it's simply one of those made up rules to torture dieters. Now, I'm really a pretty good cook. Of course I smoother most of my concoctions in layers of spice and salt so that may throw off the taste buds a bit. I did read that you could salt and spice as much as you want. I am to this day refusing to verify that fact. Without a overly priced plug in grill I just put a little water in a pan and put it on the stove on medium heat. I chunked in as many spices as I could conjure up. Used the juice of a whole lemon along with salt, pepper, garlic, sage, and an Italian blend. I thawed my chicken and realized to my horror that I was only going to be able to eat less then half of it. I weighed it raw on my tiny $10 scale and it sprung wickedly way over 100 grams. I began cutting minute strips of precious meat off the breast. I would weigh and reweigh, still over 100 grams. I believed at one point I actually heard the scale snicker a bit as I once again laid the chicken on it to weigh. 3.5 oz. of meat really does not look like a lot when your use to slab 'o cow size. When I finally had my portion right I salted it and laid it in the pan of spicy water and it cooked for around 7 minutes. I cut it into strips and fanned it out on my monster sized plate with my tomatoes and cucumbers. It looked absolutely scrumptious. I devoured my lunch at around 11am. Ate my apple around 3pm and began thinking about dinner. Through out the day I would absent mindedly wander into the kitchen for a snack but stopped before I actually ingested anything. For dinner I prepared the meal the same but used cube steak instead of chicken. Cube steak cooks super fast and I was delighted to eat around 4pm. Had my second apple around 7ish and sipped on water through out the evening. Before I skipped off to bed I threw down about 35 oz. of water so I wouldn't be deficient on my quota for the day. Around 2am I snapped awake with this ache in my stomach. I raced off to the bathroom to relieve my water logged bladder. Evaluating my first day on this bird like diet I realized I wasn't excruciatingly hungry. I do not even recall my stomach ever growling.
Day 4: Woke, poked, and went to the kitchen. Deciding on new lunch selections I thought I may need a little help so I went online to search for recipes and ideas. Saw the evil claim about not mixing vegetables and tried not to cry. Contemplating quitting I went upstairs to weigh myself. Stepping on the scale I closed my eyes and waited for the scale to scream in agony. Surprisingly enough I didn't hear a thing. Peeking one eye open I glanced down and read 227 pounds. I figured I would give the diet a few more days. I had fish and one veggie for lunch, and shrimp for dinner. Strawberries for snack and water throughout the day.
Day 5: Woke, emptied bladder, weighed. Scale read 225 pounds. Shot myself and gloated in my success. Repeated same eating schedule and was beginning to get use to it. To help me drink my water I added a little flavoring with some cranberry juice (no sugar added). I decide not to count the water/juice as one of my fruits and hope that it doesn't back fire on me.
Day 6: Woke, potty, weigh. Scale reads 223 pounds. Ecstatic so I repeat my regime same as always but now with my yummy flavored water.
Day 7: Same. Scale reads 220 pounds. I joyfully do the same as yesterday. Can't help but peek at my success and I weigh 225 pounds later in the evening. Trying not to pout as I go to bed. .
Day 8: Scale reads 222 pounds. I try not to weigh more during the day knowing that it could be off.
Day 9: Scale reads 221 pounds. Not sure if my scale is right or finally gave up the ghost. Can't exactly blame it if it did.
Day 10: Scale reads 220 to 221 pounds. Not too worried and am hopeful for tomorrow.
I have began this blog in an effort to join this clickish group of hCG dieters and also to inform in my own little quirkiness way. I have no expertise, real or implied, just moderate experience over the last ten days. I have nothing to sale just free biased information and advice. I am as of yet not on any payroll which is disheartening to say the least since I am pretty fantastic. And after I lose all this excess weight I'm thinking about going into the restaurant business...
